


Hollow

by ElectronicStar



Category: Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997), Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Clerith, F/M, Heartbreak, Songfic, cloud needs some love, onesided clerith, zerith for heartbreaks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:08:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24643840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElectronicStar/pseuds/ElectronicStar
Summary: Songfic, using the official Clerith Song 'Hollow' by Yosh. (Rock)Band/partially Modern AU
Relationships: Aerith Gainsborough/Cloud Strife, Zack Fair/Aerith Gainsborough
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	Hollow

Cloud stood at the altar. Never has he been this nervous in his life before. His hands were sweaty and his whole body was trembling. And then she came in. The woman he loved more than his own life. She looked so beautiful in that dress. Pure white, reaching to her feet. It hugged her curves perfectly, and became puffy from the waist down. The blonde swallowed a big lump in his throat, his mouth going dry. When their eyes met and she gave him one of her radiant smiles, he felt his knees buckle and go weak. But he couldn't faint right now. No, this was too important for everyone.

He swallowed again, as he watched her walking down the aisle. His hands clenched into fists, as she took the hand of another man. That's when he had to look away. It was too painful...seeing her ready to marry his best friend. The longer he had to stay there, playing Zack's best man, he felt more and more needles stabbing his heart. Then came his last chance to say anything. To say that these two really shouldn't get married, because he loved her, too. But he kept silent. No matter how much it hurt him to see the love of his life with someone else, he couldn't do this to them. They were happy. Zack could do a better job at making her happy than he. No, he shouldn't be so selfish.

And then the ceremony was finally over. Maybe the party won't be as bad. After taking a few photos of the whole gang they parted ways to get to the location the party will take place. Only when Aerith and Zack got into their car and were out of sight, did Cloud let part of his emotions go. At least the tears he fought back for hours quickly gathered in his eyes, blurring his vision. He tried to look for a corner to hide himself away, but couldn't find one. At least not one that wasn't away from people. “Cloud.“

The blonde turned around to see his childhood friend. She was smiling at him sympathetically. Tifa knew all to well how much he loved Aerith and how much it hurt to see her belonging to someone else. “Come.“ She said, leading him to her car. Now he was grateful that she talked him out of driving himself. He might cause an accident. Whether it would be accidental or intentional, he didn't know but both were very much possible. As soon as he got into the car and closed the door, he couldn't stop the tears anymore. They were flowing down uncontrollably. His left hand came up to hide his face. To be honest, he forgot about Tifa until she put a hand on his shoulder. She didn't say anything as Cloud tried —but failed— to hold in the sobs.

They stayed like this for a few minutes, till Clouds sobs died down eventually. “You could've said something.“ Said Tifa then with a soft voice. “Before all this. You could've confessed to her before...“ She stopped when he shook his head, his face still hidden behind his hand.

“No. No, Tifa, I couldn't...I couldn't have done anything. Aerith is happy with him. And...if that's what she wants I'll support her as best as I can. And what kind of person would I be if I pinched my best friend's girlfriend?“ He chuckled drily. “No. It's better for everyone if I stay away...and let them have their happiness.“

Tifa squeezed his shoulder gently. “And what about you? What about your happiness?“

“That doesn't matter.“ Shaking his head again, he finally looked up. His eyes were red and puffy and the tears still haven't stopped. “I'll just...keep supporting them. Aerith ruined me for any other woman, Tifa. She's the only one for me.“ Cloud felt another squeeze on his shoulder.

“I know...“ Then she let go of him and gripped the steering wheel. “Ready to go?“

Cloud needed to take a few deep breaths, before he could talk again. “I guess. Maybe I can get drunk there and forget everything.“ Leaning back in his seat, he saw another sad smile from Tifa, before they began to drive to the party.

“Where are the others? I thought they'll drive with us?“ Asked Cloud then, having completely, forgotten about their friends till now.

“Don't worry. Barret and Cid will bring them. We thought you might break down after this and need a minute for yourself.“

The blonde couldn't help but smile just a tiny bit. “Thanks.“

* * *

Tifa has offered Aerith and Zack to celebrate in the 7th Heaven, but the brunette didn't want her friend to work at her wedding, so they got to another nice bar/restaurant where they had a big room for themselves.

His group of friends were waiting outside for them. Well except Zack and Aerith, of course. They had to take care of the other guests. There were actually quite a lot of people there. “How ya doin', kid?“ Asked Cid, as he and Tifa approached them.

“Fine.“ He mumbled, but they all knew it's a lie. Then everyone came around him and began touching him and trying to encourage him. And for once he let them.

“Let's go inside, before they're wondering where we are.“ Reeve suggested. Everyone agreed and went inside, Cloud followed a few steps behind them.

Unfortunately, they were their crazy family —of course with Zack and Aeriths real family— were seated on one big table. And as the best man he happened to sit next to Zack. Well, not that it'll make any difference after they've eaten. Lots of people would dance and he could get himself another seat. Before they ate, the couple held a speech how happy they were that everyone's here and to celebrate with everyone. In this time Cloud had to look away from them. He just couldn't bear looking at them without feeling like he should be the one standing by Aerith's side.

The next few hours were pretty unspectacular, it was still early and people usually went crazy at dawn. Cloud should be happy for his best friends, but he just couldn't bring himself to be happy. He should be the one to marry Aerith, no one else. He couldn't even look when they had their first dance together. It was actually the perfect time to get drunk.

“Cloud.“ Said blonde didn't look at Tifa, as he downed another shot. “Cloud, you should stop that. Do you have an idea how miserable you look? At least try to be happy for them.“

“I tried the whole day, Tifa. Just leave me alone.“ He mumbled, as he continued to write something on a napkin. After his first drinks he had an idea for a song. Oh, didn't he mention that he, Tifa, Jessie, Biggs and Wedge were a hobby band? There you know.

“What are you doing there?“ She asked curiously and took the napkin to read what he wrote in a messy and drunken handwriting. “Gosh, Cloud...Aerith's married, not dead.“

“All the same.“ He grumbled, before taking his napkin back, because he had more ideas. Just then did a flash of white appear in his peripheral vision.

“Cloud!“ Said a happy voice and even with his bad mood, he couldn't help but look up and give the woman he loved a little smile. “Come, dance with me. You promised, remember?“ The blonde really tried to remember if such a promise really existed, but he was too drunk for that already.

“Guess I did, huh?“ Her bright smile was blinding him and as she took his hand it felt like burning.

“You don't mind me stealing him away for a moment?“ Asked Aerith her best friend, as if they had an important conversation going. Which they didn't.

“No, no. Go on. Have fun.“ Said Tifa and before his light could drag him to the dance floor, he quickly pocketed the napkin he's been writing on the whole time. No one else should see that. Especially not Zack or Aerith.

It was just his luck that a slow song played the moment they entered the dance floor. And to be honest, even if Cloud could dance, he had no idea what to do with his hands. With the kind of thoughts and feelings he had of Aerith he really shouldn't touch her. At all. But Aerith just giggled at his awkwardness and guided his hands around her waist, while hers wrapped around his neck.

Too often did he dream about this. Of him being able to hold her and not think about if it's appropriate, because she had a boyfriend. And then a fiance. “Cloud, did you drink too much there? You know you can't take so much.“ She asked him worried, as they began to dance. Sweet, little Aerith...

“I'm fine. I didn't have that much.“ He half lied. It wasn't much for him, if anything he only felt a little tipsy. He definitely needed more.

“Okay.“ Cloud knew Aerith didn't believe him there. She surely saw right through him, as she always did. But he didn't care. He only wished they could talk more, because now he was focusing way too much on the feel of her waist in his hands. Her arms around him. Their bodies so close together. Their faces so close...And now it wasn't the alcohol in his system that made his face flush. “You and Tifa arrived really late.“ Aerith said then, thankfully taking his focus away from her body and to his words instead.

“Uh, we did? Sorry, uh...Only red lights for us. Tifa made a wrong turn, too.“

“Oh, I see. I almost thought you guys were leaving.“

“Never.“ He said a bit too fast. “It's your big day. Of course we wouldn't leave you.“ Aerith's big smile made him melt. And his knees were going weak. It became only worse, when she pressed their bodies together to hug him tightly. Cloud only hesitantly pulled her closer.

“You're the best.“ She whispered in his ear, but loud enough for him to hear over the music. Her breath tickled his ear and made him shiver. He'd give up everything to just have her here with him forever. To be able to kiss her...to hold her...

The song was over way too soon and Zack was there to take her away from him again. “May I?“ He asked, and Cloud already had a harsh 'no' on his tongue and the urge to pull her away from him. But he lost that right long ago. If he even had it in the first place. Cloud didn't say anything and just let the woman he loved go. Again. He was really pathetic. Maybe he should've been a bit more selfish back then...Maybe then she'd be his. The blonde gave his friends a small, fake smile before going back to his seat to order 2 more shots.

Barret and Cid where there to drink with him this time. But he was sure Tifa wanted them to have an eye on him. Yuffie bothered them sometimes that she wanted to try this, but Cid kicked the sixteen year old away from any alcohol. Even Reeve's weird cat plushy Cait Sith hang out with him. Surely another one who Tifa ordered to watch out for him. He had no idea how Reeve did it, but he could somehow control this robot plushy and do entirely different things at the same time. Maybe some weird Shinra technology.

Even Jessie, Biggs and Wedge sat at their table to lighten his mood. Not that it worked, though. But it was nice for a change to have people around him. Especially when one particular person was now completely unavailable for him forever. And of course they all saw the song he wrote for Aerith, as he got more and more ideas. They even wanted him to sing it to them once he was sober again.

* * *

Cloud drank even more that night and was glad his friends were there to make sure he didn't do anything stupid. But the alcohol didn't make his heartbreak go away. If anything, it made it worse.

As he checked his phone the morning after he read the messages Tifa left him, knowing he won't remember anything from that night. She told him that Cid and Barret brought him home, as soon as he began to cry. And that he apparently sobbed loudly all the way to his home.

Cloud cringed at that. Yep, he was glad he couldn't remember that at all. Groaning, he let his head fall back into his pillow. The guys put a pill for hangovers and a glass of water on his nightstand before they left. And it was great, because he felt too groggy to move. He was happy that he could at least take the pill and check his phone, even if the lights from outside and from his phone were too bright and burned his eyes. And this headache must be the worst he's ever experienced. After all, it wasn't the first time he got himself drunk because of Aerith.

After having slept the whole day, he noticed he got a at least 2 messages from all of his friends, asking him if he's alright. Even Zack and Aerith texted him, because he apparently was crying so much that he had to leave very soon. He told everyone he's fine and then got from every single one an offer to come over and bring another kind of fast-food with them. Whatever he said about these guys, he took it all back. Of course he told Aerith and Zack not to worry about him, but told everyone else to better bring something good. And around an hour later his apartment was full with people and food.

And during their hangover party, Cloud read over the things he wrote on the napkin. It was...very embarrassing to say the least. But his drunken words hit the point. They just needed some adjustment. “What's that?“ Asked Yuffie and took away his napkin.

“Hey!“ This little brat ran behind Barret and Vincent and read it. But her reaction wasn't what he expected. “Aww, Cloud! I had no idea you could be so cute!“ It was worse than being laughed at.

“I think you should make a real song out of it.“ Said Tifa, who gave him back his precious napkin. “I can help you, if you want.“

Cloud looked around, everyone seemed to agree with that. “I think I can do that myself. But Zack and Aerith are never supposed to hear it!“ That song would surely be anything but subtle and if anyone of them heard it, they'll realize what he's talking about. It was practically a love letter. Everyone nodded, of course knowing why these two should be excluded. They all knew how much Cloud loved Aerith, they realized it sooner than he himself. The only ones who didn't know were Aerith and Zack. And he back then. If he just realized it sooner, he might've had a chance...

* * *

It took Cloud a while to finish his song. Only a few days actually. He wasn't really the songwriting kind of guy, but he managed to do it. And the whole group still wanted to hear it, so one day they all came together, except two obvious people of course.

He tried getting away with it by saying the song wasn't that great anyway, but they all pushed him till he gave up. The guys were already at their places before he even said yes. For this part Cloud had to use an acoustic guitar and so did Tifa, even if she was usually the drummer. But no one else but Jessie could play it, so now it was Wedge on the drums. Jessie had an electric guitar and Biggs played keyboard/piano for this particular song. Tifa even got him a holder for the harmonica parts, so we was able to play both instruments. They really did want him to give them the full potential of this song...

_I would be lost_

_Drifting along_

_Floating up high_

_Time after time_

_And there you'd be_

_Shining brightly_

_Your smiling face_

_To guide my way_

_Bloody and bruised_

_Brought to my knees_

_When beaten down_

_When broken up_

_You would appear,_

_Reach out to me,_

_Heal every wound,_

_And make me whole_

_Was it all a dream?_

_Will I never know?_

_Foolish and blind_

_To everything_

_Had I realized,_

_Had I thought it through,_

_Would you be here_

_in my embrace?_

_Shine bright_

_Once more_

_Guide me_

_To you_

_Smile bright_

_Once more_

_This time_

_I will never let you go_

_With your every smile_

_Hiding something more:_

_Dark mysteries_

_Lurking beneath_

_But I was consumed_

_With this emptiness,_

_This selfishness,_

_This void to fill_

_Hear me_

_Once more_

_Show me_

_Your smile_

_This time_

_For sure_

_I'll see_

_The truth hidden inside your tears!_

_But I_

_I know_

_That you're_

_Long gone_

_But I_

_I will_

_Go on_

_Howling and hollow_

_Till now_

Once the song ended their friends, even Reeves plush cat that he brought along for some reason, were applauding like there's no tomorrow. It...actually gave him a real good feeling. But it vanished as soon as it appeared. He could already feel the blood draining from his face, becoming as white as a ghost. Because a certain someone stood at his doorway. “A-Aer...“ He stammered like an idiot and then everyone else noticed her standing there. And for a long moment everything was quiet.

“Aerith! What are you doing here?“ Asked Tifa eventually.

“Uh...Yuffie said you're all here. I just...wanted to see what you're up to.“ The flower girl explained and in an instant everyone shot death glares at the little brat.

“What? I said she shouldn't come!“ The whole group face-palmed in unison. Before there's going to be an embarrassing scene, Cloud quickly put the guitar away and went to Aerith, gently pushing her out of his apartment to talk with her in private.

“Why didn't you want me there? Because I'm married now? I still wanna hang out with you guys!“ Asked Aerith, before he could even try to explain himself.

“It's not that...“ He mumbled.

“What is it then? Was I not allowed to hear your song?“ Well, this was hitting the point. But he couldn't just say yes to that...“Is the song about Tifa?“ Now where did she get this idea? Wait, did she actually think he had feelings for Tifa instead for her?

“Uh...no. No, it's not about Tifa.“ Maybe he should've just said yes, and let her think what she wanted because his answer made her think. And before he could change his mind again, she looked at him with a certain realization on her face that he never wanted to see since she was engaged.

“Cloud...is the song about...me?“ He quickly looked away, trying to lie his way out of it.

“No...“ Cloud mumbled, but of course she saw right through him. She had this talent. Aerith's eyes widened and she covered her mouth with her hands in realization. The blonde looked away from her. He couldn't look at her. Writing this stupid song was a mistake. She'd be clueless without it.

“Cloud...why didn't you say anything?“ She asked, making him snap unexpectedly.

“How could I?!“ He yelled at her, making her flinch. An apology was already on his tongue but his anger pushed through. “You're with Zack, do you really think I could say things like 'I love you to hell and back'? That you're the most important person in my life and I'd rather die than losing you? That you're my light, pulling me out of the dark? That I love you more than anything in the world, even my own life? No, it would've ruined everything, like it does now.“

Aerith reached out to touch him, her eyes were filled with sympathy and sadness. But he backed away from her touch. “I don't need your sympathy!“ Cloud turned away from and took a few steps to ensure their distance. He really, really didn't want to say it, but he had no choice anymore. “I'm sorry, but...we can't be friends anymore.“

“Cloud...“

“I love you too much to just be friends. I can't do this anymore.“ With every word he spoke, he felt his heart being squeezed more and more. And it was better that he didn't look at her. If he'd look into her face right now, he'd surely break down. Maybe this is another good day to get drunk. “It's better that we don't see each other anymore. Before I'll do anything I'll regret. And...I could never do this to you and Zack. You deserve better than this.“

To his shock, Aerith wrapped her arms around his middle and hugged him tightly. He could feel his body growing hot, his heart pounding so fast it might jump out of his chest any second. Maybe she could even hear or feel his foolish heart. This hug was so bittersweet. He really did enjoy it —maybe too much even— but it just reminded him that he could never have her. She belonged to someone else. He already felt bad for having lewd thoughts and dreams of Aerith, so maybe cutting things off would be better for her. And it might help him stay sane, too.

“Cloud...I'm sorry, I never saw your feelings. I...I always thought you and Tifa...“ To that he only shook his head. Of course he loved Tifa, but more like a sister. He was only romantically interested in Aerith and no one else. “I'm sorry, Cloud. Can I do anything to make it up to you?“

Get a divorce, leave Zack and marry him. That's what the selfish side in him wanted. But he shouldn't be that selfish. It's about what Aerith wanted and not what he wanted. And she wanted to be with Zack. “Go.“ He said with a broken voice and felt her flinch. “Just...leave. Please...“

At first Aerith didn't let him go, she only hugged him tighter. “Please...Aerith...“ He mumbled and at his pleading she let him go. As soon as her warmth left him, he missed it already. He never wanted it to come to this. But now that she knew about his feelings...nothing would be the same anymore. Things would be awkward and who knew how Zack would react to this? No, it's better if they stayed apart, maybe he could move on. Although that's what he tried for years, ever since Aerith and Zack were a couple. It looked more like she permanently ruined him for any other woman.

Cloud thought she'll do as he said and leave, but instead she just went around him to look at his face. Though, he was still unable to look at her, as it would make things only more difficult, but her hands cupped his face and turned it towards her. Looking into these sad, green eyes he grew to love hurt more than anything he's ever been though in his life. “I'm sorry, Cloud.“

The blonde tore his eyes away from hers. “You don't have to apologize for anything...“ He barely finished his sentence, when she felt her hands pulling his head down. And before he realized what's going on, she's kissed his cheek. After giving him a sad look again, Aerith finally left. His face burnt like fire and as her hands let go of his face he had to fight the urge to grab her wrists and hold them in place. He waited until Aerith was gone and everything became silent around him.

And then a few minutes later, he went back into his apartment, where everyone looked at him in complete silence. There was no doubt that he heard them outside, so there was nothing to say, really. “Party's over.“ He mumbled. “Please leave.“ Cloud slumped on his bed, arms resting on his lap, eyes staring at the ground. He heart the others slowly getting up from their sitting positions and quietly left his little apartment. Tifa, squeezed his shoulder, before being the last to leave. Once the door closed, he buried his face in his hands and let the tears go that he fought against till now.


End file.
